Resist Feeling Jealous of Your Mother-In-Law's Closeness To Your Kids

Question I got via email:
My mother-in-law does a special birthday for my kids at her house even though we throw them a birthday party at our house. Isn't this rude, isn't she overstepping her bounds? How do I politely tell her to stop?

My MIL does this, and it used to be on my silly long list of grievances against her until I got over myself. She just does a cake for the kids at her house and small birthday dinner.

I used to get all worked up about it until I got that my kids truly were touched by the special attention and they liked having the huge party at home and then the small party at grandma's house. She just makes them their favorite dinner and gets an ice cream cake and they just chill at her house for an evening. Parties at home are a big, wild, large affair, we have a big back yard so I let them invite as many kids as they want. They love these parties too, they just get really really excited and it can be overwhelming and intense to have so many friends over running and jumping about. And there's never any cake left over, whereas with a grandma party they have lots of cake left over and they like sharing it out with us the rest of the week.

I used to resent the special things my MIL did for and with my kids because on some level I thought she wanted to take them from me or usurp my place as their mother. But I realized that she just loves our kids so very much, and part of being a grandparent is that you get to spoil your grandkids in ways you couldn't with your own children. So I try not to feel threatened by her closeness to my kids. They all love her so much and their lives have been enriched by having her for a grandma.

Let your mother-in-law do a birthday party for your kids. It won't hurt them and they will treasure those memories forever. You won't regret not standing in the way of their grandparent/grandchild relationship.

Happy Father's Day Brian

Brian opening one of his Father's Day presents, a reciprocating saw. Our sons got up early and cooked him breakfast (our daughter had to work); scrambled eggs, blueberry pancakes from scratch, and peeled pink grapefruit. Then we went to his cousin's farm for the day, it was a great day :)

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting Musing Monogamy!

Sexual Fulfillment

For a couple of reasons I don't talk about our sex life, one being that some things are private and two being that it would just attract a lot of creepers to this blog. But I will say this: sex is a very powerful experience for us. I am truly blessed that my husband is an intense and passionate man who enjoys pleasing me. That is all. tee!

How Much I Love This Man

I am so in love with my husband, I think he is super-fine even with food on his face. ^_^

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting Musing Monogamy!

We Celebrated Our 9th Anniversary

Brian and I recently celebrated our 9th marriage anniversary! I've been very plugged into the planning for our big 10th renewal vows ceremony next year, almost let this one slip by. My sweetie did not forget. Brian, I love you so much.

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting The Marriage Blog of Brian & Trula!

How I Got My Husband to Help with Housework

Many wives complain about their husbands not doing their fair share of housework or helping them with housework. What follows is what worked for me. Doing this made so much difference in my marriage, you just don't know. I like my house clean and tidy and my husband wouldn't pick up after himself, it used to hurt my feelings so bad. At one point I even felt like he was being dirty just to mess with me. But all he needed was some positive reinforcement, and he's been doing his part ever since.

If you are married or living with a man try to get his assistance. I know this can be difficult. It can be emotionally painful. All of your feminist sensibilities will rail against the unfairness of it all. Older long-term married women gave me this advice: Ask your man nicely to do some housework and thank him when he does. Do not berate his cleaning or do his work over if he does it differently or less thoroughly than you. Over time he will improve. Follow this with a reward of some kind, such as extra attention, his favorite meal or dessert, or allowing him to watch a game or go out with his friends without hearing any complaint from you. It is also very important!! to not ask your man to do any housework as soon as he gets home from work, before work, or early on his day off. Let him hear you talking about how helpful he is to your friends and family.

I resisted doing this for years because I thought it was sexist and demeaning to both of us but once I started I could have kicked myself because it made a world of difference in how my husband responded to my requests for his help in keeping the house clean. There was a time when he wouldn't even pick up his dirty socks from our bedroom floor!!! Once I threw a boycott and wouldn't pick up any of his stuff and by the end of the month our bedroom floor was covered with his dirty socks, t-shirts, underwear, and assorted pants and shirts and our bedroom smelled like a locker room. He only picked it all up because he didn't have anything clean to wear.

Now, he does his part with no prompting or begging from me. He also does the bulk of the laundry, keeps the bathtub and bathroom walls clean, keeps his closet together and keeps his clothes off the floor. He also keeps the inside part of the windows clean, he'll mop the kitchen and bathroom floors if I ask him to, does all the yard work (mowing, shoveling snow, etc.) and keeps the garage clean. Try it, this may work for you.

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting The Marriage Blog of Brian & Trula!

Funny Husband Quote

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

This is too true! Pay attention to your husband. more thoughts on this to come.

This blog entry written by Trula Breckenridge. Thanks for visiting Musing Monogamy!