My Old Daddy

My dad came to town today. I knew he was coming in and needed to be picked up at the Greyhound station this morning, around 8am. He called at 7:20, luckily Iyende was up. For once I was asleep but managed to wake up enough to talk to him. He said he knew I was sleeping and to come get him around 10. Ten o'clock rolls around and me and the kids shot downtown to pick him up. It's always a pleasure to see my dad, and my kids were very excited to see him. He was sitting at a table in the food court area, and his whole face just lit up when he saw us, and the kids mobbed him with hugs.

We went back to the house and chilled for a while, he and Brian got in some big conversation about what's going on in the Middle East. I stayed out of it, talking to my dad is sometimes being lectured at. He is very intellectual, very deep, but sometimes I just don't want to be schooled, ya know? Later on I drove him out to this resort place, my parents rented out a cabin for the holiday. My mom forgot to send in the balance and it had to be paid today, the main reason why he came up without my mom. She was participating in some church thing and is not driving up until tomorrow.

The directions my mom sent were waaaaay off, my dad and I laughed the entire way over that. Being used to my mom's directions we called and got the correct directions, so it was cool and we got there ok, a little early in fact. They were still getting the cabin ready, so we walked around a bit and sat and chilled. Sometimes talking to my dad is like talking to a friend, or a mentor. He gave me some very good suggestions for whipping my business into shape and we talked about the kids, a little politics, how me and Brian were doing. When Brian and I were having serious problems I was angry with my dad for staying impartial, but as things between us have improved I am very glad he did. The cabin place is near where he grew up and he talked a little about his childhood, which is always precious to me to hear about because when I was a child he didn't tell us much about his own childhood.

I love my dad so much, he is a good man and father and grandfather. I treasure spending time with him, and when he told me that being able to be friends with your grown children is a blessing, well, that is something I will remember forever. Here's a picture of my dad with Brian, Scott, and Todd:

10 Gems for Success

I got this in an email, it's very good:

1. Small steps toward your goal are better than no steps. Strive for progress not perfection. Take off your super(wo)man cape. Today...only do what matters. Focus on your priorities.

2. People scream for attention and love in the strangest ways. Stop, look and listen.

3. Some things are best left unsaid.

4. Some things must be said.

5. Every day is a good day. Some days are just better than others. Rejoice > and be glad in it.

6. Never give up on your children.

7. Require and expect more from yourself than you require or expect from others.

8. Perseverance pays off. Be proactive, positive and prayerful.

9. Keep your personal business and your side business separate from your job. Your boss expects 100%.

10. Guard your emotions. Manage your time, temper and money well. The enemy will set you up to upset you.

by Jewel Diamond Taylor

The Entrepreneur's Prayer

I got this in an email, I like it a lot. It's on point and pretty cool.

As I awaken with the gift of yet another day and prepare for the tasks at hand, I offer up this most ardent prayer:

I pray for continued clarity of purpose so that I may hold my vision steady and keep my focus on the needs and success of others, which in turn shall bring me my success.

I pray for the wisdom to expect abundance in my life, that it surrounds me and is available for the taking and to be shameless and unapologetic upon its receipt, for I deserve abundance.

I pray for a cheerful countenance, be it clear or cloudy skies and that I may radiate and infect others with my positive attitude.

I pray for the trust of others that they may recognize my sincerity and true intentions so that we may move forward together.


I pray for the strength to fend off adversity and use my desire and determination as both weapon and shield.

I pray for the courage to carry forth my convictions during the battle of business and to resist temptation to a quicker monetary result when such temptation compromises these things for which I stand.

I pray that I may be used as a lightning rod to collect the amazing ideas already present in the universe and when blessed with such inspiration, that I may be able to apply my talents and abilities to turn the power of thought into measurable advancement of my goals.

I pray to retain my childhood wonder so that I can recognize and revel in the small miracles of each day that others may miss.

I pray for an infinite supply of self-confidence for it alone fortifies faith, strengthens my resolve and conquers the largest enemy I will ever face—fear.

I pray for a compassionate spirit and the patience to offer those who seek my advice and my help, my full and undivided attention.

I pray for good health and a feeling of well being, and the continued desire to improve those areas of my physical life I may be neglecting in the name of my spiritual and entrepreneurial advancement.

I pray that today is a day of excellence and at its conclusion I can acknowledge and be grateful for the forward motion I have made and the growth I have experienced.

I pray most of all for the understanding and support of those closest to my heart, my family, that they will equate what may seem like endless hours of apparent pre-occupation with affairs of business to what is at the very core of my being, that which drives me, for once I achieve what I have set out in its fullest, I will become that more complete being I strive to be.


It is for these things that I pray, for I am an entrepreneur.

—By Rick Beneteau

Environmental Stuff

I've been working on a new section for Veggie Mama about recycling. It's slow going, I've been so busy with all the book production (which is NOT going well, but that's another topic) and trying to hire folks and get my finances straight, I just haven't had time. But it is very important to me...doing my little bit helps me feel safer, and calmer about all the mess and nonsense that's goin on with environmental issues. The past three days here have been Ozone Alerts...I wasn't too sure what that means so I called the paper that had it (The Plain Dealer) and they put me on hold and then disconnected me. So as usual I turned to the net for information. According to the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences alerts are needed when too much ozone accumulates at ground level. You can read here for more information.

I get aggravated with myself because I forget to do little things, like carry my cloth grocery bag when I go shopping or hang the clothes out to dry instead of using the dryer. These are easy things I can do, and when I don't do them I feel like a lazy spoiled American. I really should hang the clothes because it's not like it would be for a long time or anything, here in Tundraland we only have sunny weather for 2-3 months out of the year, then it gets cold.

Working It Out

Things have been going a lot better with me and Brian. I think the turning point for me was realizing that we were just mirroring the negativity we were seeing in the other. I remembered how we used to always smile and be excited to see each other. It had gotten to the point where we were barely speaking. So I made an effort to be more fun and not scowl at Brian so much, which incidentally I did not even realize I was doing. Isn't that wacky? A lot of the times I wasn't even mad at him, I was frustrated with work or my writing or something and he would walk in and *instantly* assume I was pissed at him, and get all moody and defensive. Then I'd get moodier and because I'm direct say, "What's wrong with you?!" and he'd say, "Nothing!" and a silly little petty bitter arguement would start over nothing. So much miscommunication. We are both working on letting things go...it is amazing to me how he will pull up incidents from like, 1998 to try to use as arsenal when I complain about valid beefs I have with him today. Grrrrrrrrrr.

We want to take a trip somewhere alone, just the two of us. We never did have a honeymoon! I think Hawaii would be ideal, in December. I also like Montreal, I went last year for this womanist/feminist conference and Brian stayed home with the kids. I'd like him to see Montreal, we may go there. Or wherever, I just want some alone vacationing time with my husband.

Summertime

So far this summer has been great. One of Iyende's birthday presents was a season pass to Cedar Point, she has been going a lot. A few of her friends got passes too so that has been a big deal for them. The boys have been enjoying going to the park, doing crafts at the library, and hanging out at the beach. The pool is open but I would much rather hang out at the beach.

We started our summer term of homeschool, basically I am having them concentrate on one subject. Iyende is learning French, Scott is learning about Astronomy and Todd is improving his reading and working on learning to write. I am also teaching both Iyende and Scott more coding, they already know HTML and some Java, in fact more than me. So I should probably say that I am exposing them to more coding via books and the net rather than teaching them.

As far as travel goes next week we are going up tp Columbus for Comfest, and I have to go to New York next month and will probably take the kids with me then. I also have business in D.C in next month and soem stuff to do in August, so we will be traveling quite a bit this summer. No where outside of the states, though, until fall.

Iyende has been sleeping in but Scott and Todd get up early no matter how late we let them stay up so I am making them go to bed by 9pm, otherwise they are very crabby the nexy day. it doesn't even start getting dark until nine so they aren't too pleased with this, though they fall asleep by 9:15, 9:20.

Marketing

A really good book I am reading right now is 301 Do-It-Yourself Marketing Ideas: From America's Most Innovative Small Companies. It was edited by Sam Decker with a foreward by Jay Conrad Levinson (of Guerilla Marketing fame).

It's really, really good! Lots of great ideas for any biz owner, from marketing, distribution, partnering, everything. Brian got it for me for Mother's Day. I have already put to use many of the ideas and plan to utilize at least 20 more, it's shown me a whole new way to look at how I market myself and Mama Specific Productions...

Scary

Religion is so scary to me. I've been struggling this past year with my spirituality. Can I be a spiritual person without a religion? I do not understand religion, but I understand the basic, fundamental need for it. I was raised as American Baptist, meaning very dry and short sermons that were over in less than an hour. The congregation was mostly all white, there was my family, another black family, and a mixed family. Periodically there would briefly be other people of color, the occasional asian family or another black family, but they never came back after one visit. I was also exposed to Southern Baptist whenever I visited my grandma in North Carolina. Here they stomped and screamed and there was this lady that swooned every Sunday during the exact same time in the sermon. It was funny, you could see the usherettes moving silently up the aisle in preparation, smoothing down their white gloves and flexing their arms. She was a big woman.

The congregation was all black, and much more informal than my home church. I felt comfortable there, like I was among family. Actually I was, everyone in the small town of Bethel, NC seemed to be related to me in some way or another. The older people would tell us all about our great-grandmother that I was named after, and the kids would press us for stories of CINCINNATI. That's the way they said it, in capital letters, and would always follow it with questions about NEW YORK CITY and PARIS. My brother John and I would crack up at this, but I digress. The sermons here would last all afternoon, with the preacher getting more and more agitated until he was sweating profusely and his eyes looked like they were popping out of his head.

I also attended a Catholic school from second grade to sixth. All religions scare me but Catholicism scares me the most, probably because I was so young and impressionable and it was so alien to everything I had been taught as a Baptist. For example, if you were in the church and you passed in front of a statue, you had to genuflect (a bow sort-of while bending one knee) and do the sign of the cross over your chest. I got caught not doing this and you would have thought I killed somebody the way the nun carried on. In the Baptist religion we didn't worship statues or believe that God or Mary or whoever periodically came to inhabit these statues. In the third grade my class went through first communion, and though I was exempt from it I still had to go to religious class...oooh, it was creepy, and seemed like brain-washing to me.

White Privilege Hurts You Too, Suckers

Just read in today’s paper yet another article about the dot-com bust. I can’t believe there are all these venture capitalists, banks, and finance firms still whining about losing so many millions of dollars. The fact that so many dot-com companies were able to get so many suckers to invest is a prime example of white privilege, racism at it’s American finest. Most of the the hugely invested companies were white owned, and out of that, the overwhelming majority were white male owned. Coincidence? Ha! Just the good old boy network mentality at place.

I used to regret that I hadn’t got my business going during the dot-com boom, but when I sat and thought about it I realized that I probably wouldn’t have gotten gobs of money anyway. I know of black owned companies who have been around on the net forever and didn’t get much investor money. Those that did, like Black Planet, aren’t even black owned. Also, the few black entrepreneurs who made lots of money during the dot-com boom had an actual product or service to sell, in sharp contrast with other non-black entrepreneurs who got mad venture cap. money.

I kinda feel bad for all those white people who lost money...it’s really too bad. If they had only applied the same sharp scrutiny of business plans, excellent credit background expectation, and multiple co-signers that are usually required of black business owners getting loans and investments, they could have saved themselves both time and money. It would even be funny till you think about how these same people probably wouldn’t invest in schools, or after-school programs, or a national health plan, things that would not only improve the lives of people of color in the U.S but also their poor white counter-parts.

Park Dads

Watching fathers at the park up the street from my house is funny as hell. They are always so self-conscious and awkward with their children. I find this really surprising because on average, they are or were married to the mothers and have been involved with these children all of their lives. When I lived in the hood a lot of the dads weren't married to the moms nor had they ever been, and many didn't see their children on a frequent or consistent basis. But they seemed more at ease with their children at a park or something and vice versa than the fathers out here. I wonder why that is.

So the boys and I were at the park yesterday. They were running around playing with the other kids, I was watching them from a park table. Brian had taken Iyende to her boating class, so we had to get out of the house. I do not stay alone with my boys at home if I can help it, they start running around and tearing stuff up and jumping on me and stuff. When I am with them by myself it often seems like they turn into 10 little boys, they are so active. If I don't have Brian around for crowd control we hit the park, go somewhere. I played with them for a bit and then sat down because I am 30, not 6, my energy level is a bit lower than theirs. I scanned the parents sitting about, nobody I knew was there, and the rest as usual avoided my eyes. Lots of snotty folk where I live, some wouldn't speak to save their lives. I said hello anyway, cause I'm cool like that.

There were several dads there. It was a trip watching them because they all talked in a loud voice and followed around their kids, much to the kids annoyance. The jungle gym part of the park is this huge wooden castle affair, complete with slides and little flags at the top, it is child size in dimension. Anyone under 12, 13 would have difficulty navigating around in it. Most of the parents will watch their kids from a bench rather than try to follow them through, but not the hover-dads.

And why do they always make a bee-line for me? Since most of these dads are white (I hate to be paranoid about this, but) I can't help but feel that it's because I'm black. Like, you know, since I'm a black mom I'm on the outs with most of the white moms (which is often true) and won't be too harsh on their parenting skills....hmmmmm. And of course another part of me thinks they think they can pick me up or something. I get the impression that a lot of white moms here think that. I'm sitting there, minding my own business, when a dad comes up to me and says hello, we chit-chat about kids for a minute, and he goes on to follow his kid around some more. I look up to see a white mama glaring at me with her arms crossed, and then say to the dad while he passes, "How is your wife doing?" as if I didn't know he was married by the ring or as if I CARED. I started to tell her, Look bee-yotch, I am married myself matter of fact got my own white man at home who is young and cute, you don't need to worry about me scrounging off of any of your old bald raggedy husbands. But I figured that would sound and be really ignorant so I didn't. The thought of doing so made me chuckle, though.

I rarely see dads Brian's age out here, that's another difference from the dads in the hood. When I do see a dad in his late twenties he usually has a little baby or toddler, and almost always the mother is there with them.

Spelling Bee

Iyende won the Spelling Bee for her entire school back in March. She went on to Regional finals and was second runner-up. Got a big trophy! She was excited about it, as we all were. This is the second bee she has been in, back in the third grade she placed to represent her school with 3 other children from her school in a city-wide competition.

She was disappointed that she didn't win the next level, because the final level was Nationals in Washington, D.C. But overall she felt good about her performance and is looking forward to next year. My parents came up to see her in the competition, I know that made her feel really good and extra-confident that they drove all that way to support her.

Learning to Read

Todd is learning to read. I am glad because I was starting to get a little worried, he's been 4 since November. Both Iyende and Scott were reading by their fourth birthdays. I know that you are not supposed to compare children and I know that most people consider any age before 6 to be early, but still it made me nervous. I didn't want to push him, though, I tried to give him space about it. I figured he would make an effort when he was ready to.

What prompted him to really want to learn to read was that he felt left out. We would be out somewhere and Iyende and Scott would see something funny and laugh about it, like a sign or something, and Todd would say, "Where, What?" and get frustrated because he couldn't read the sign. Also he's gotten curious about newspapers, he gets a kick out of finding words that he knows and then wants to know what the other words say.

He also is fascinated that numbers have a written name as well. He made this number train at pre-school:

I put it up and he likes to stand underneath it and say the numbers and then spell them out.