Scarce Black Men - Myth or Reality?
Whenever I talk about how important marriage is and how the very low marriage rates of black people has had a detrimental impact on our culture, someone trots out numbers to show why there are just not enough black men available for marriage. I disagree that there aren't enough black men available for marriage. I truly feel that any black woman who wants to marry a black man can do so. Certainly, any black woman who wants to find a black man to have sex with can do so, or to have children by can do so. Obviously black men and black women are interacting sexually and having relationships with each other with no apparent scarcity. It's only when we talk about marriage and sticking together to raise the children that result that all of a sudden black men are 'scarce'. Hmmmmmm, what do you think?
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Labels: Black Men, Black Women, responsibility
posted by Trula at
1:41 PM
6 Comments:
maybe by scarce they mean black men willing to marry black women not just have sex with them
Well Anon I don't think most black men are unwilling to marry black women, do you?
"It's only when we talk about marriage and sticking together to raise the children that result that all of a sudden black men are 'scarce'. Hmmmmmm, what do you think?"
If you (the man) can only crawl into bed on top of a woman to have sex and impregnate her........................then walk off and leave her AND the child, then what does that say to both the man and the woman?
As a woman, can you not see how this man may be if he gets you pregnant? Can not he, as well as you, excercise some semblance of self-control at least before bringing a new life into this world?
A real man cares for the woman and he cares for a child who is not yet in this world. That is what a real man does.
As for maariage, are black women to build up the always woe-is-me black man all the time? Can not black men reach down and seek to build up black women? Black women have stood by and stood up for black men since 1619, but, you see very little of that reciprocity from many black men.
Since black women are always supposed to marry "down" (and by down, I mean as far as morals, values and philosohy), but, black men are expected to get everything handed to them on a platter, why should any woman marry just for the sake of marrying?
If the man you have in your life does not have the same moral values as you, why keep him in your life?
Black women should have some kind of respect for themselves that they cease with the baby-daddy-drama. And so should the black man cease the baby-mama-drama. Any so-called caring adult, woman or man, who truly loved children, would not bring children into this world outside of marriage if they truly cared for that child.
There are many ways to "love" a man.
Telling him "No, my body is sacred to me. Children's well-being is of paramount interest to me. I will not have OOW children."
I am sure if many black women said that to ALL men, no matter the man's race, I am sure that those black women will be looked at as freaks and weirdos for standing up and being women, and most men would run like hell from such women who stood their moral ground.
There are many ways to "love" a woman.
As for black men, if more of them said, "I will not use the black woman just because I can. I will give her the love, adoration and respect that I would want ALL men to give her, so therefore, I will set an example, I will be the man to step up to the plate and do right by her, and do right by children who are not in this world yet.", then that would be half the equation for black people to show more respect and regard for each other.
As for this part of your post:
"........the very low marriage rates of black people has had a detrimental impact on our culture, someone trots out numbers to show why there are just not enough black men available for marriage. I disagree that there aren't enough black men available for marriage. I truly feel that any black woman who wants to marry a black man can do so."
Well, let's tie this one on: If all the BW/BM in America married, you STILL would have a surplus of approximately 3 million black women left without black husbands.
What do you say to those surplus black women?
And those black women who do marry black men, are those black men gainfully employed? And by 'gainfully' I mean have a job and are responsible men with their financial resources in taking care of a family. Since many black men like many black women are not all CEOs, I am asking about black men who should believe in being responsible towards those in their lives.
Marriage is a sacred institution, always has been. Yes, it pretty much is the institution that has afforded care and protection for women and any children they had, since time immemorial, and it still does.
If a woman gets involved with a man she should go in with her eyes and head open. So should the man.
But, it seems today so many blacks are only interested in their genitals, and not caring about the consequences that occur from the fall-out that love of those genitals causes.
You are going to be a man, be a man, and all that it carries.
You are going to be a woman, be a woman, and all that it carries.
Otherwise, stay put of peope's lves if you cannot do right by that person or yourself.
And most of all, don't lay down and have a child just because you can.
Having children OOW just because you can is nothing more than just another form of child abuse.
Hi ann! thanks for your comment. You said: What do you say to those surplus black women?
well first off I wouldn't call them 'surplus' that's for sure. Also note that in my post I said that I feel any black woman who wants to find a black man to marry can do so. The numbers you speak of only include the United States. There are black men all over the world.
Also consider that not every black woman wants to marry. And there are black women, such as myself, who will marry a man of another racial group. Note, I am NOT suggesting interracial marriage as a 'solution' to the marriage woes of black women, I am merely pointing out that a few of us will marry men not in our racial group.
I think it does black americans a huge disservice to suggest that marriage is not an option because of the supposed scarcity of black men. I simply do not see any truth in this myth, as black men and women are obviously sexually interacting with each other and producing children. The real scarcity is in the belief that marriage is a viable option.
Ann, I also wanted to comment on this: As for marriage, are black women to build up the always woe-is-me black man all the time?
This is really offensive. You need to broaden your awareness of black people in particular black men.
Ann, I also want to address this part of your comment:
Telling him "No, my body is sacred to me. Children's well-being is of paramount interest to me. I will not have OOW children."
I am sure if many black women said that to ALL men, no matter the man's race, I am sure that those black women will be looked at as freaks and weirdos for standing up and being women, and most men would run like hell from such women who stood their moral ground.
So what? A woman who wants to marry does not want to marry most men. She just wants to marry one man. Furthermore, we as black women should not allow others' opinions to dictate our behavior. Stop being focused on what/how you think 'most' men would respond to black women who conduct themselves in this way. No black woman should lose self-respect and refuse to have morals, values, and standards for herself because of a fear or belief that this will cause 'most men of any color' to run from her. and if they do, GOOD that will clear the path for the one man she needs.
Ooooh, gives me an idea for a blog post :)
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