Thoughts On Not Having More Children
My husband and I have been going back and forth about having another baby for going on 2 years now. I turned 35 in January and really feel like it's now or never. I had one child at 17 and 2 more at ages 22 and 25, so it's been nearly a decade since I've been pregnant. My daughter turns 18 next month and my sons turn 13 and 10 in November.
I know quite a large part of my sometimes wanting to have more children is because my kids are growing up; especially what with my daughter being an adult soon. I had kids so young a big part of my identity as an adult woman was as a mother. Sometimes the thought of not having minor children to take care of feels...scary to me, like what would I do with my time, myself. But that is just silly, as I know what I'd do, I know what I plan to do. Write more, spend more time on my business, pursue more education. I currently have a degree in business; I'd like to get a degree in physics and teach it at the college level. I want to travel, and since my husband is a teacher we plan to hit the world during summers when he is off once the kids are grown and gone. So it's not like I don't have goals or plans for myself after my kids are grown. I know I need to work on my own personal development right now rather than have another child.
Yesterday my husband’s mother came around 2pm and got the kids and took them to a nature center (well my daughter went out with her boyfriend and friends and then went over to my mother-in-law's) and kept them overnight. My husband and I went to a movie (we saw Blades of Glory, it's very funny) and then came home and acted the fool, running around in the buff and having intimate encounters everywhere. Then we went to the Y and worked out. Then we laid blankets on the floor in the living room and cuddled and watched more movies on DVD (Hedwig & the Angry Inch and Little Miss Sunshine). We didn't go to bed until after 3.
It was so much fun and it knocks me out how different it is to do activities without the kids. Take going to the Y, for example. It is a totally different experience going together without the kids. Going to a movie, totally different experience. Just eating dinner together and talking together, it felt like a date. It's so nice to just have a conversation without being interrupted or someone pulling on me or needing me for something. Or just be able to watch a movie without people talking loudly throughout or jumping around in the background or whatever. And I have big kids! I don't even want to think about what it was like when they were small, ha.
I'm fairly sure at this point I do not want anymore kids...of course I will talk to my husband more about it but he's been as ambivalent as me all along, I'm certain he will agree.
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I know quite a large part of my sometimes wanting to have more children is because my kids are growing up; especially what with my daughter being an adult soon. I had kids so young a big part of my identity as an adult woman was as a mother. Sometimes the thought of not having minor children to take care of feels...scary to me, like what would I do with my time, myself. But that is just silly, as I know what I'd do, I know what I plan to do. Write more, spend more time on my business, pursue more education. I currently have a degree in business; I'd like to get a degree in physics and teach it at the college level. I want to travel, and since my husband is a teacher we plan to hit the world during summers when he is off once the kids are grown and gone. So it's not like I don't have goals or plans for myself after my kids are grown. I know I need to work on my own personal development right now rather than have another child.
Yesterday my husband’s mother came around 2pm and got the kids and took them to a nature center (well my daughter went out with her boyfriend and friends and then went over to my mother-in-law's) and kept them overnight. My husband and I went to a movie (we saw Blades of Glory, it's very funny) and then came home and acted the fool, running around in the buff and having intimate encounters everywhere. Then we went to the Y and worked out. Then we laid blankets on the floor in the living room and cuddled and watched more movies on DVD (Hedwig & the Angry Inch and Little Miss Sunshine). We didn't go to bed until after 3.
It was so much fun and it knocks me out how different it is to do activities without the kids. Take going to the Y, for example. It is a totally different experience going together without the kids. Going to a movie, totally different experience. Just eating dinner together and talking together, it felt like a date. It's so nice to just have a conversation without being interrupted or someone pulling on me or needing me for something. Or just be able to watch a movie without people talking loudly throughout or jumping around in the background or whatever. And I have big kids! I don't even want to think about what it was like when they were small, ha.
I'm fairly sure at this point I do not want anymore kids...of course I will talk to my husband more about it but he's been as ambivalent as me all along, I'm certain he will agree.
Subscribe to Trula's blog by email
posted by Trula at
10:43 PM
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