The First Time He Pushed Me

It was December 1989 and cold. We were on the highway driving back from somewhere in his old rusty car when the car started making noises. He pulled over and the car rattled to a stop. He got out and started messing around under the hood. Then he came back to the car and told me we needed to walk to the next exit and get anti-freeze or something like that. I told him I wanted to wait in the car with the baby as the car would still at least turn on and emit heat.

He said No, come on, it's just a few minutes. So we're walking and walking down the highway, I'm holding our daughter who at the time was 6 months old, when I realized where we were and just how far the next exit was. I stopped and told him I wanted to go back and wait in the car. He told me No, come on. I repeat myself, he repeats himself. He does not seem especially mad, just kinda tired and slightly annoyed.

Then out of nowhere he pushes me down. As I fell I clutched my daughter and tried to roll so my body would cushion her from harm. I landed on my backside with my feet sticking in the air. I was so shocked. I didn't quite understand what had happened. I looked up at him with what must have been a shocked and quizzical look, because he said That's right, I knocked you down. Now you're going to listen to me. He pulled me up and started yelling in my face. I panicked, and with a common sense that was later to leave me for a couple of years, took off up the hill on the side of the highway. He stood at the bottom yelling for me to come down, then slowly started climbing after me. I kept backing up, still holding my baby.

I remember looking at all the cars whizzing by and wondering why no one stopped to help me. He caught up with me and I gave up. He dragged me down the hill and marched me down the road. Suddenly there were bright lights flashing behind us...it was a cop. Someone had called in that they saw us on the side of of the highway; they saw him push me and were concerned.

The cop asked us what happened. I didn't say anything. Then he asked me if I was ok and if I wanted a ride home or to call my parents. I said no. He looked at me for a long time, then snapped his walkie down into the holder. He told us Wait right here and went back to his car. My then-boyfriend looked at me and mouthed the words Thank You. I felt relieved and knew he wouldn't be mad at me anymore. It was like I totally forgot all about being pushed down while holding the baby, and totally forgot my terror in trying to get away from him on that hill.

That was the first time he pushed me. There were many more pushes to come.
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