Giving the Love You Need
Valentine's Day is coming up and it is the day we count as our 'real' anniversay because it was our first date. There have been years we forgot our actual marriage anniversary! but never Valentine's Day.
So anyway I have been thinking about our relationship and our ups and downs and the things we have done to make our marriage better. I remember when we almost divorced (2002) and how hard it was to patch things up. One of the many things I took from that experience was that you can choose to do right in your relationship without waiting on your partner to treat you better. and you can choose to respond to peace-making efforts from your partner instead of ignoring them or holding on to grudges.
You can choose to give yourself the love you need. This starts by being truthful with your partner about what you need.
You can choose to love your partner the way you want to be loved.
Some little things I try to do daily:
Smile at my husband
Express happiness when seeing him after work
Call or text message him a short loving note during the day
My big goal/issue for this year was to try to be more affectionate to Mercury Man. I have been holding back on this because he is highly sexual and often I would go to give him a little hug or kiss and he would try to make love to me. He wouldn't make me do anything, I'd say No and that was it, but still this made me hesitate to trust being affectionate towards him. But we have been talking about it a great deal lately and I was surprised to see that he felt deeplyhurt that I didn't trust him in this aspect and felt fearful of being affectionate towards him. After all these years he finally *got* why this bothered me.
He has been making such an effort when I make overtures of affection not to try to take it further, even when he is obviously wanting more. This has helped me feel safer about giving him little hugs and kisses daily. I also learned he really likes other affectionate things like holding hands in public and me leaving him little notes in his lunch or in his car.
So anyway I have been thinking about our relationship and our ups and downs and the things we have done to make our marriage better. I remember when we almost divorced (2002) and how hard it was to patch things up. One of the many things I took from that experience was that you can choose to do right in your relationship without waiting on your partner to treat you better. and you can choose to respond to peace-making efforts from your partner instead of ignoring them or holding on to grudges.
You can choose to give yourself the love you need. This starts by being truthful with your partner about what you need.
You can choose to love your partner the way you want to be loved.
Some little things I try to do daily:
Smile at my husband
Express happiness when seeing him after work
Call or text message him a short loving note during the day
My big goal/issue for this year was to try to be more affectionate to Mercury Man. I have been holding back on this because he is highly sexual and often I would go to give him a little hug or kiss and he would try to make love to me. He wouldn't make me do anything, I'd say No and that was it, but still this made me hesitate to trust being affectionate towards him. But we have been talking about it a great deal lately and I was surprised to see that he felt deeplyhurt that I didn't trust him in this aspect and felt fearful of being affectionate towards him. After all these years he finally *got* why this bothered me.
He has been making such an effort when I make overtures of affection not to try to take it further, even when he is obviously wanting more. This has helped me feel safer about giving him little hugs and kisses daily. I also learned he really likes other affectionate things like holding hands in public and me leaving him little notes in his lunch or in his car.
Labels: Marriage, Trula Uplift
posted by Trula at
12:46 PM
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