November SWDMs

November is packed with lots of family activities, this month we have 2 birthdays and 2 parties, going to 2 movies, the art museum, a few events for my biz, a trip to Cincinnati, and an art show for a friend of mine, and all the holiday thanksgiving dinners with both sides of the family. I think for our SDWMs (Special Day with Mom) we’ll just do the coffeeshop again. It’s about 3 miles from our house so maybe we’ll bike there or walk, and just sit and talk and drink cocoa (them) and tea (me).

I am always amazed at how much birth order and family dynamics affect how they interact with me and each other. When they are all together, it definitely affects how they relate to me. For one, they compete for my attention. It’s always mom mom mom mom mom from one or another, and someone is always pulling on my arm. Todd, who is 7, definitely plays the baby role, he tends to act more babyish when they are all 3 together than when he is just with me. When we are alone together he is more assertive and talks more. Scott, who is 10, talks less when we are together but he also talks slower. Sometimes when they are all together he talks fast because someone is always interrupting him. Iyende, who is 16, definitely takes on the leadership role and acts the big sister, oldest child, all of that when they are all together. When we are alone she seems younger and talks about stuff she rarely does around her brothers.

Some things I have learned so far:

I need to encourage them to listen to each other

I need to encourage them to respect each other i.e no interrupting when another is speaking

I need to focus on the child who is speaking so that they feel heard. I sometimes turn away from them when they are speaking such as when I am doing housework. I think this is part of why they feel the need to compete for my attention.

I need to praise them more both alone and when they are around each other.

See more progress on: spend more quality time with each child alone each month