My Big Boy & Male Identity

I took my sons with me for a walk the other day. They are 10 and 7. Scott, the oldest, is in the 5th grade. Todd is in the second grade. They brought a football with them and tossed it back and forth as we walked, Todd running far ahead to catch it after Scott threw it. After a few near-misses with the ball going into the street, I said hey let's give the football a rest, boys. They said ok mom.

So then Todd started skipping. He skipped ahead of me and Scott, who stayed walking by my side. Scott turned to me and said, What is he doing?? He seemed very puzzled. I said He's skipping, Scott. Scott then yelled to Todd, Hey Todd you look like a little baby! What are you doing? Todd yells back, I'm skipping! Scott then says, Well you look like a girl, like a little baby! Todd yells back, So what? I like skipping! and he continues merrily skipping along.

I said, Scott what's the big deal? You used to love to skip, all the time when you were that age too! He then says, Well that was a long time ago. I am in the 5th grade now, I am in middle school. Boys don't skip in middle school, are you kidding me? I am a big kid, almost a teenager. I stifle a laugh at this. I say to him, Scott skipping is not age-specific or gender-related, anybody can skip. He says Maybe, but only girls and real little boys should skip. Todd is getting too big for that. Before I could say anything else, he yells Hey Todd! What are you, a little girl, a kindergarten baby or something! Ha ha ha! Todd turns and looks at Scott, he looks a little mad. He stops skipping. I don't know what to do, what to say.

Then he skips back to where we are and takes Scott by the hand and says, It's ok Scott, you can skip with me. Come on! and he starts skipping up the street, holding Scott by the hand. For a brief moment, Scott begins to skip too. Then he wrenches his hand away from Todd and yells I won't skip! I won't skip! Todd leans in to him and looks closely at his face and quietly says, Ok. Then he turns and starts skipping up the street again. He says Look at me, mom, look at me! I say Wow, Todd, you are a great skipper, and smile at him. I turn to look at Scott, ready to chastise him or give him a lecture on sexism something but he looks...forlorn, like he is about to cry. I say Scott? It really is ok if you skip too. He nods but doesn't say anything. He leans in close to me. I take his hand, which he allows me to hold for just a moment before he pulls away. He puts his head down and trudges quietly by my side.